About New Ways

What is New Ways for Families™?
New Ways for Families™ is a structured parenting skills method with short-term counseling to reduce the impact of conflict on the children in potentially high-conflict cases. It can be used whenever a parent or the court believes one parent needs restricted parenting (supervised, no contact, limited time), at the start of a case or any time a parent requests restricted parenting – including post-judgment litigation.

This method emphasizes strengthening skills for positive future behavior (new ways), rather than focusing on past negative behavior – while still acknowledging it. It is designed to save courts time, to save parents money, and to protect children as their families re-organize in new ways after a separation or divorce, for married or never-married parents.

How It Works: 4 Basic Steps

Step 1: Getting Started
Parents can agree to use New Ways, or a judge can order it while also making temporary parenting orders, support orders, and restraining orders. Then, each parent selects his or her own Individual Parent Counselor from a list of counselors trained in the New Ways method, maintained on the New Ways website. Then, each parent prepares a Behavioral Declaration and a Reply Behavioral Declaration with the assistance of their lawyers, or by following the instructions provided on the New Ways website. These Declarations are the only declarations provided to the counselors, along with the court order any related parenting orders, before the counseling begins.

Step 2: Individual Parent Counseling
This includes 6 weekly sessions with a separate, confidential counselor for each parent, following the strucutre of the Parent Workbook. Both parents participate in this counseling concurrently with their own counselor, with no presumptions about who is more difficult. The focus of these sessions is strengthening and practicing three conflict-reducing skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors.

Step 3: Parent-Child Counseling
This step includes three sessions with each parent and their child/ren. The parents share the same non-confidential counselor, but attend each session separately with the child/ren, alternating weeks with the other parent. They each continue using their own Parent Workbook for these sessions. The Parent-Child Counselor does not write a report, but can be called to testify at court as to his or her observations of the parent-child relationship during the sessions. The focus of these sessions is having the parents teach their children the same three skills they learned in their Individual Counseling, hearing the children’s concerns, and discussing the new ways their family will operate with the child/ren.

Step 4: Family (or Court) Decision-making
Finally, parents use their new ways skills to develop a lasting parenting plan with the assistance of their attorneys (if any), Family Court Services, a private mediator or a collaborative team. If they are unable to settle the case at this point, then they go to Family Court to report what they have learned. The judge will quiz each parent on how they would handle future parenting scenarios, based on their Behavioral Declarations. Then the judge will hear the case, which may include testimony from the Parent-Child Counselor. The judge then orders long-term parenting, support, and other orders, which could include long-term restraining orders, batterers treatment, drug treatment, parenting class, a psychological evaluation, Minor’s Counsel, and/or a High Conflict Case Manager, etc.

Who Is Involved?
Judges, lawyers, therapists, mediators, parenting coordinators, collaborative professionals and parents and their children.

This interdisciplinary approach requires the cooperation of all professionals in addressing high conflict clients in the court process. While each professional plays a different role, the goal of all involved is to help parents focus on making positive changes rather than becoming preoccupied with defending themselves and blaming the other parent.

While it will save courts time and parents money in many cases, using New Ways For Families™ will require a significant shift in attitude toward high conflict clients.

Lawyers will need to focus their clients on identifying and presenting neutral information about parenting behavior problems.
Judges will need to emphasize validating and motivating clients for future change, rather than emphasizing past behavior (while still making findings about past behavior when necessary).
Therapists will be less involved in court decision-making, and more involved in counseling clients to overcome past barriers to learning new skills.
Parents will be more involved in presenting neutral behavioral information to the court and demonstrating their own new skills to the court.

There are growing indications that many judges, lawyers, therapists and parents are ready for such a change in the family court process. New Ways can be used in various settings, including Family Court, Mediation, Collaborative Divorce, and Individual and Family Counseling. Contact us for more information on these various approaches to using New Ways for Families™.

Goals of New Ways for Families™

To immunize families against becoming high-conflict families during the separation and the divorce process, by teaching parents to avoid the three most common characteristics of high-conflict families: all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors. Instead, they learn to strengthen skills of flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors.
To help parents teach their children resilience in this time of huge and rapid change in the foundation of their family life. Parents teach their children the same specific lessions about flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors -- skills that will last them a lifetime.
To strengthen both parent's abilities to make parenting decisions, while relying less on experts and the courts to make their decisions for them.
To assist professionals and the courts in assessing both parent's potential to learn new, positive ways of problem-solving and organizing their family after a separation or divorce. By having both parents participate in New Ways, it helps the parents, professionals, and the court avoid creating an "all-bad parent" and an "all-good parent," which often escalates the family into high-conflict behavior.
To give parents a chance to change poor parenting behaviors (including abuse and alienation) before long-term decisions are made, which may limit their contact with their children or require additional treatment. This method emphasizes learning new skills for positive future behavior.

Articles, Resources & Books

Don't Use "Force"
"I won't force the children to go with the other parent," is sometimes heard from parents going through a separation or divorce.
Read More

Handling Alienation in New Ways
There is no issue more controversial and confusing in divorce than a child’s resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent after a separation or divorce.
Read More

Before You Go to Family Court
Tips and helpful hints to consider before heading to Family Court.
Read More

Ten Thoughts For Divorcing Parents
Divorce is usually painful for everyone involved. But how to shield your children from unnecessary pain - this is the question!
Read More

Parent Workbook

For parents who are attending the New Ways for Families program. Includes the Parent Workbook and Parent-Child Workbook.

Professional Guidebook

For professionals leading a family through the New Ways For Families program. For: Mental health professionals, judges, attorneys, parenting coordinators, Guardians ad litem, Minor's Counsel, mediators and collaborative professionals.