New Ways for Families™ focuses on helping people learn "new ways" of thinking, feeling and behaving, rather than focusing on the past or blaming each other.

New Ways is a short-term, 4-Step structured method for parents re-organizing their families after or during a separation or divorce. This method can be used at any time by any family, from the beginning of the separation process or even after the divorce. After basic parenting decisions have been made, this method can also be used in conjunction with a Parenting Coordinator.

The overall goal is to help both parents develop new ways of making decisions, communicating, and planning for children in a separation or divorce. This method may be used if you jointly agree to use this approach or if a court orders you; if you have direct contact with each other or no direct contact; and no matter the age of your child(ren). 

Step 1: Getting Started
You can agree to use New Ways, or a judge can order it while also making temporary orders (for parenting, support, protective orders, etc). Once the court orders the parents to attend New Ways, each parent then selects his or her own Individual Parent Counselor for Step 2 from a list of counselors trained in the New Ways method and purchases the Parent Workbook from the New Ways for Families™ website or from his or her Individual Counselor.

Before Individual Parent Counseling begins, each parent prepares a Behavioral Declaration and a Reply Behavioral Declaration. These declarations, the court order, and any related parenting orders are the only documents provided to the counselors. The Behavioral Declarations give each parent the opportunity to list three concerns about the other parent's parenting behaviors and the other parent's three best strengths.

Step 2:  Individual Parent Counseling
After selecting a counselor, each parent will each attend 6 weekly sessions of Individual Parent Counseling. Both parents participate in this counseling concurrently with their own separate, confidential counselor. During the Individual Counseling sessions, each parent completes the exercises in the Parent Workbook with the assistance of the counselor.  The focus of these sessions is on strengthening and practicing three conflict-reducing skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors.  

The Individual Parent Counselor is confidential, meaning this counselor will not report to the court, lawyers, or other professionals involved in the court and will not write a recommendation to the court on your behalf.

The goals of Individual Parent Counseling are to: 
     1.     Strengthen your skills for dealing with a potentially high-conflict other parent.
     2.     Strengthen skills that you will teach to your child/ren in Parent-Child Counseling.
     3.     Strengthen skills for making family decisions.
     4.     If you go to court, strengthen skills to avoid becoming a high-conflict parent.

Step 3: Parent-Child Counseling 
After both parents are finished with Individual Parent Counseling, each parent will meet with the child/ren three times in Parent-Child Counseling. Preparing what to tell your children can be discussed in your Individual Parent Counseling. You will continue to use the Parent Workbook for those meetings.

The focus of these counseling sessions is for you to teach your child/ren flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors, respond to your child/ren's concerns, and discuss the new ways your family will be organized after the divorce or separation process. The role of the counselor is to assist each parent with these tasks, focusing on the parent-child relationship directly. This counselor is not a mediator and does not form a relationship with either parent.

The Parent-Child Counseling is not confidential. If you and the other parent are unable to make your own agreements and must return to court, then the Parent-Child Counselor can be called to testify at court about his or her observations about the parent-chid relationship, if requested by the judge. 

Goals of Parent-Child Counseling 

1. Assist you in teaching your child/ren skills for resilience in the separation or divorce.
2. Assist you in hearing your child/ren’s concerns about the separation or divorce.
3. Assist you in discussing new activities and new decision-making for your child/ren.
4. Assist you and the other parent in discussing new ways for your family with the child/ren, if you meet jointly with the other parent and the children, which is optional
5. Observe your interactions and answer the judge’s questions about your parenting skills, if you go to court.

 Step 4: Family (or Court) Decision-Making  
After you complete Parent-Child Counseling, the last step is making family decisions for the new ways that your family is organized. This includes: 

     Your parenting schedule
     How to change the parenting schedule
     Taking a parenting class separately or together
     How you will communicate in the future
     How you will jointly make decisions
     How you will separately make decisions
     How you will plan child activities
     How other people (relatives, new partners) are included in your child’s lives. 

If you and the other parent can make these decisions on your own, then you may not need to return to court. You may be able to make your own parenting agreements with the assistance of your lawyers or private or court mediators. 

If the two of you are unable to make these decisions on your own, then you will have to return to court for the judge to make these decisions for you. The judge will expect you to explain what you have learned from your Individual Counseling and Parent-Child Counseling before he or she makes these important decisions for you. 
 

For step-by-step instructions, click "Get Started" under the "for families" tab at the top of this page.